then don't make us feel like we did

they try, they try, they try.
all try to touch me.
none can reach through.

i try, too. from the other end.
but i don't try hard enough.
and only coming halfway makes for very bad parties.

once i learned to touch through all the way
i found the way in ireland with you.

all is my fault, and i know it.
i don't know why but
i don't want it to be different or it would be.
it is easiest to turn off.

i am really just afraid of the change.
and yet i long for it with everything i have.
i am always fighting myself
and that is what begins again to define me
and lock me into mood-less stasis.

i feel so constrained; it is only from within myself.
everything is about control, and willpower, and the sustenance of posture.
and the preservation of a baseless image.
an unpleasant one.
a lonely one.

above all
a lonely one.