7.6.07

well, sometimes we just come to expect things
and all the blue-grey nights aren't worthless.

i just wanted to continue to feel like you wanted me
and it wasn't just the alcohol. i remember asking
how drunk are you? and you saying you weren't.
and that you wouldn't do something
you didn't want to. i made you promise that you wouldn't just
get off and leave. you peered back at me and in the
slits of light i saw only what i wanted to see. or maybe we both did.

my favorite part was when you told me,
you have a comfortable body and a comfortable bed.
i don't know about my body but
i believe you about the bed. i should have known, though,
when you just kept telling me how funny i was.
as i said before i just liked
listening to you breathe, even if it did make me nervous.

you stayed only as long as you had to--thanks for trying, at least.
more studying the next morning. it was light in the room then and in my mouth
i tasted what i decided to believe was hope, or maybe
it was just leftover alcohol
from yours.

i'd share the name with you, if i could
i can't help but feel estranged from it
like it's not really mine anymore. like many things,
i might have outgrown it. i wish i didn't feel
you are taking something from me but one of us shouldn't
have it because i still want more from you.

it's hard not to think about you
and it's hard not to
take it all so very personally
because when i call to myself
the only way i know how,
you come with me.