senioritis

october is a pregnant month.
i hate being this busy, and i love being this busy.
maybe it'll give birth to something interesting.

yesterday i sent two text messages of apology,
if only because we are, as usual, all stressed
beyond our means and the last thing
we need is to be angry with one another.

sarah told me she wants just to go home
for being broken--
it reminds me that almost everything
is about momentum
her words put a few more things into perspective.
i still think john/matt are lucky for having one another.
and i think they get it.

but no matter how much something is worth holding onto
sometimes it slips from your grasp

i don't want to do these things anymore
nothing is more mundane than work that transcends
moments

billy writes them and i consume the pages like the angsty
teen i am inside. i would care about nothing
except for to want my soy chai latte
bought with negative gworld dollars,

to close my eyes, the blue wind fluttering my eyelashes
listening to voices talking about "important" things
and hearing my phone ring
canned heat, voice on the other side
making me smile and
punctuating another moment that is
both and neither happy and sad