simple hearts

i wish my parents could remember exactly
how it was over thirty one years ago
before they met one another

back in my day
there was no dancing with
the gender i was attracted to the most
no memory of puppy love affirmed
no acknowledgment that what i am is real and powerful

i wish i could show them
the reversal that takes place
no touch that makes sense
always wondering: mine or hers? and it doesn't matter anyway
public affection taboo most everywhere
never attracted enough, becoming too afraid
and too proud--not enough of a child anymore
to take foolish chances. instead all i know is responsibility and posture
it's not okay to make mistakes

directing it outward
quarter-folded newspaper facebook announcements
and emails with retro pearl engagement ring photos attached

it becomes okay not to respond
because i'm unapologetically gay and of course i have amazing clothes and friends
i write okay things sometimes; am smart and talented, have scathing wit
(sure i can be a bit bitchy but its endearing), and a fair amount of unfulfilling sex--
all just like i'm supposed to.

i'm in my world and you're in yours.
.:i want to explore a new one:.
so have your relationships, find someone,
.:one where we don't have to be against "normalcy":.
get married, have children.
.:call me a minimalist but i just want:.
see if i care. i'm not fucking jealous.

.:simple hearts, like what you've shown me all my life

everyday
moments
of mundane happiness and frustration:.