from "instruction manual"

i don't really know what he wants
or how he feels but i must do what i know
and all i know

is to put my feelings outside of myself,
fortified neither by sarcasm nor potential regrets
and shaded as little as possible by insecurities
it's been so long since i've done so;
feels almost like i'm violating myself

then we see what happens to them
whether he takes me up and accepts
what i believe to be my heart
or sweeps it casually away,
scattered again like snow to the wind