night poem

meet him at a bar
where i'll stay sober

i feel separate from my feelings again

find out they've decided to be exclusive
for all it was, i am not jealous
i am supportive
i am happy,
a capable friend
familiar feelings like home

again he uses the word mistake
but i know now he doesn't believe it
because if he did things would have been easy
black & white, at least to start

but i do think he's making a mistake.
maybe it's not the one he thinks

i opt to walk home
i need to take nothing in, give nothing up
just gulps of cold air to make my eyes water
only when i'm so alone am i cut enough
to touch the thorn of lucidity