enough

i dreamt i was a moth
fragile flutterer to the light,
in darkness fingers
poised to crush dusty wings

i heard a forlorn train
reaching to the blue porchlight
and i learned my heartbeat in my own reflection

it seems to me we must all become one another
a moth attracted to flame gets too close
burns, fuels and becomes

1 couldn't love me enough
i couldn't love 2 enough
3 didn't stay
i couldn't love 4 enough
5 couldn't love me enough
i can't love 6 enough

i realized that
7 does love me, but the hardest part is
to realize that he cannot, will never, love me enough.
and that's ok.
i will play every role in the meantime,
waiting to see if anyone ever will. or if i ever will.

14.1.09

burnt heaven's scar glows, and calls me
cutting to signal the end of one chapter
and the beginning of a new.

"what we hate, we make"
remember now why these lyrics spoke to me
winter wind, winding trees and blinding hugs
spending time as change, refusing to have
pockets with holes burnt in

i would drive a nail into the book
through paper leaves and leather binding
glue and taut string, keeping all as is

but it melts away under the still-turning pages
reminding me that my heart is full and still and unsure
in a way, i'm still that boy gasping in the night air after jr's
still he whose heart flutters watching you turn away
i still hold the yellow lily and wonder

when it will bloom again; maybe i could
listen to the darkness's hum and learn
to run my fingers along hidden scars,
still unknowing the body they trace.

over breakfast

brillo heart wonder king
drinking moor thin doe bend
mince drive heaven
pour friend bark ensure

thicken white burr spark send
fourth stint mingle throw tend
inch spy banter hoof lie
surf ice cantor worn

fact scissoring reed grimace chap
fort brine wean cork head born
fancy drug light brink fend
lull sigh first